Even if...

Everyone knows that this semester has been a lot of things. Weird? Challenging? Disappointing? I could write a whole post about how all of these things are true, but instead of focusing on the difficult side of this semester, I think everybody would appreciate a little bit of what the Lord has been teaching me a whole lot more!

Thinking back to early August, I honestly wasn’t expecting much from this semester. BUT I was riding my Camp Ozark spiritual high and came in to this semester with one phrase in mind...

-Eyes fixed only on Jesus-

I was determined to have a semester dedicated to fixing my gaze on Jesus and loving the people around me like Jesus loves us. And let me tell ya, those first couple of months I was pouring out a whole lot of love. Whether it was meeting with my small group weekly, getting coffee with some really awesome new friends (@ Bethany ily), or hanging out with my first college friends that have been with me through it all ( @ Haley & Anna), I felt like my relationships were growing, and I was loving people well.

Pretty quickly, school got tough and my tank was on empty. I really just didn’t have any more to give, and it took a FaceTime with my long distance bestie, LB, to realize that I wasn’t taking any time to sit with the Lord and fill up my own tank. I heard one time that when you’re trying to be a role model or love other people well, you have to be taking the Word in for two in order to have some left over for yourself. As I started thinking about this, I realized that my gaze had shifted from the Lord and had turned to leaving a legacy in my community at LSU. Loving people well and pouring into others is not a bad thing, but it’s not nearly as important and spending time resting in the Lord.

Recently, my church put together a 12 hours of prayer event (shoutout Jessie Jenkins, you’re a rockstar). The goal was to have at least one person in prayer at our church for 12 hours straight, with each person spending an hour in prayer. Let me just tell ya, that hour of prayer was something I had no idea I needed. I left that hour feeling closer to the Lord than I had all semester. My eyes were truly fixed on Jesus, and the Lord used that hour to remind me that he is good...no matter what.

I can’t tell you the amount of times this year that I’ve told people or thought to myself, “but if not, the Lord is still good.” (Sometimes I believed it, and sometimes I was honestly trying to convince myself.) But it is SO TRUE. Even if the relationship you’re desiring doesn't happen, the Lord is still good. Even if we don’t get an in-person graduation, the Lord is still good. Even if your candidate didn’t win the election, the Lord is still good. Even if Covid NEVER goes away, the Lord is still so, so good. Truly wrapping your mind around that statement is only possible when your eyes are fixed on the Lord. We get so wrapped up in the things of everyday life that we forget about the promises of eternity and the promise that the Lord has already won the eternal battle!

Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of this past semester, I’m choosing to praise the Lord for a semester full of new lifelong friends, super late game nights, TikTok dances with Emily Ward, not playing a football game against Alabama (or Florida), and the promise that life is SO MUCH BETTER when your eyes are fixed on the Lord. Find something in your life and praise the Lord for it, because even if it seems like everything is falling apart, the Lord is still so so good.

Camp!! Camp!! Camp!!

For those of you who don’t know (which probably isn’t many of you considering I post and talk about this an annoying amount of the time) I worked at Camp Ozark this summer!! Camp Ozark is full of laughs, fun, and a lot of the coolest people in the world. I think I could write a whole book about my time at camp, but after processing and reflecting a lot, the major theme of my time there was redefinition. I just wanted to share a few of the concepts that the Lord and the people surrounding me redefined. These are ideas that we talk about a lot, but I was honestly was so far off the mark of how to legitimately put these things into practice every single day.

Serving-

I knew I was going to camp to serve the Lord and serve my future campers, but I honestly had no idea what that would actually look like. During my 5 weeks at camp, I started to notice a difference in myself. There was one day at lunch in the dining hall with only one cup of Mac n cheese left, and as much as I wanted that camp Mac n cheese, when my camper asked for her own cup, without hesitation I handed her mine. There was another day during our field day that I watched my camper drop her ice cream in the dirt and without hesitation, handed her mine (which is a big deal if you know me you know I love ice cream.) I know that these are tiny examples of serving others, and I don’t give these examples to brag about how I’m so servant hearted, but to demonstrate the way that the lord can completely flip your mindset upside down. The difference wasn't necessarily the action that I was preforming, but the motivation behind it. I wasn’t having to try to serve my campers, it was just happening. There were servant leaders modeling what it looks like to serve people well so that naturally bled over into my own life. The Lord had given them that desire to serve, and I started to see that desire reflected in my own heart and life.

Love-

For some reason, when I pictured loving on kids at camp, I always pictured giving 7 year olds piggee back rides and hugs. I had never really thought of ways to love 14 year old girls until I was in a cabin with them for 4 weeks. There were so many conversations that I walked away from realizing that I didn’t really give much advice, but I knew that my girls felt loved through the “yes I totally understand that” or the “why do you feel that way?” Or even more frequently, the “mhm” with a head nod. Learning to love 14 year olds taught me that in order to love someone well, you don’t have to do anything or say the right things. You just need to be there ready to nod your head and give a big hug when it’s needed. If I’m being honest, there are a lot of times I try really hard to love someone well, but deep down, I’m doing it so they think I’m sweet or a “good christian.” NEWSFLASH: The Lord doesn’t use our words to love people well, because in reality, our words can’t do his love justice. Nothing about loving people comes from ourselves, but it is totally and completely the Lord shining through us. Camp showed me that when you truly love like Jesus does, yourself and your reputation are the last things to cross your mind. Jesus literally put every single person that has ever lived before himself, so how much easier should it be for us to put the few people we come in contact with every day before ourselves?

Building relationships-

So we sing this song on closing day of each session at Camp Ozark and a few of the lyrics are “a friends a friend forever if the Lords the lord of them.” And yes, it’s a cheesy song that makes everyone cry, but boy does that song have some truth in it.

Working at camp is intense. We don't have our phones and we work 18 hour days, most of which are spent yelling, jumping, and walking about 10 miles every single day. When you go through all of that together for weeks on end, something special happens. Bonds are made so effortlessly. One camp friend in particular comes to mind. Courtney and I met in the freezing cold lake while we were learning how to be lifeguards together about 2 months ago, and now she’s seriously one of my favorite people in the whole world. Like best friend, future bridesmaid, driving all the hours necessary to visit kinda friend. Courtney is just one of the (way too cool for me) friends I made at camp, but as I reflected on all of these friendships, I realized that shared experiences can create lasting, deep relationships, but a shared love for the lord takes a friendship SO MUCH DEEPER than a shared experience could. Because when you love the Lord hard enough for people to see him in your life, they’re drawn to you. You don’t have to try and find the perfect friends, because when your eyes are fixed on running towards Jesus, other people just begin to appear alongside you. People that are ready to push you to keep running and pick you up when you fall down and steer you back on route when you start to get off track. Surrounding yourself with other people that love the Lord, like really love the Lord, is one of the most important, life-giving decisions you can ever make.

Intentionality-

I know that some people have mixed feelings about this word. Some people describe it as strategic, but I have always thought of it as meaningful, thoughtful actions. Camp didn’t necessarily redefine this for me, but it showed me how easily it can be implemented into our everyday lives. One of the coolest people at camp ended up being my lifeguard boss! Her name is Becca, and she is one of the most servant hearted, kind, and intentional people I know. She did this thing while we were lifeguarding...she would ask us questions. Sometimes about silly things (for example: if a guy was perfect in every way except never ever cut his toenails, would we still marry him?) But other times, her questions went straight to our hearts. She asked me about my best friends and why I loved them. She asked me to tell her something that inspired me recently. What Becca probably didn’t realize, is that I was keeping a list of these questions in my head to use in conversations with campers and my fellow counselors at camp. After I asked some of my friends these questions, I realized that I was learning so much about their passions and goals. Just from a question a few easy questions. When Becca asked me these questions, I felt so loved and valuable and like someone cared to really really know me. I think those are feelings everyone craves, and by having intentional conversations, we could feel so much closer to the people around us.

Authority-

Most mornings at camp, a lot of the staff go to the chow hall (summit if they were cool) and have some coffee, read their bibles, or chat with friends. This was one of the sweetest times during the day (maybe because I wasn’t wrangling teenage girls), but more importantly, because it was a time to rest and be poured into. While I was at camp, I was reading through 2 Corinthians. I was reading a chapter a day, and it was one of the first times I was really really reading it. Every word mattered and was encouragement to get me through the long days.

One day I came across this verse...

2 Corinthians 10:8

I may seem to be boasting too much about the authority given to us by the Lord. But our authority builds you up; it doesn’t tear you down. So I will not be ashamed of using my authority.

Boy did that humble me. Around my 3rd week being a counselor, I felt like I had it figured out. With that, I was probably being a little too bossy towards my campers. Reading that verse made me check my heart and realize that I wasn’t a camp counselor in order to boss around the girls in my cabin and make myself feel important and in charge. I was their counselor so I could SERVE THEM and love them and build them up so that they felt like the coolest and most special people on this planet.

Camp Ozark is a special place. Yes, it’s special because of the incomparable special events and cheesecake brownies. Yes, it’s special because of tribal competition. Yes, it’s definitely special because of the people that work there. But the thing that makes Camp Ozark SO special is that the Lord moves there!! He moves in main camp with the nugs who just want to feel loved. He moves in the pines with campers that are making big, life changing decision. And I may be a little bias, but He REALLY moves in the Summit (aka the best part of camp) with campers that are just starting to figure out who they are. I’m beyond thankful that my summer was spent fully depending on the Lord, and experiencing things that completely redefined some of the ideas I thought I knew so well.

P.S. Jesus is a Caddo;) #sorrynotsorry

Running the Race

I am not a runner. I like to run, I’ve run quite a few races, but I don’t call myself a runner. Partly because I’m slow, and partly because I don’t think I’m consistent enough to identify myself as a runner. Running has become one of my favorite things to do (along with puzzles, eating ice cream, and hanging out with my bffs.) Something else I love is trying to find the Lord in everyday things, and I think there is so much to learn about him when we look at the Christian walk through a runner’s lens.

I really got into running when my friend Gracen convinced me to run a half marathon with her about 4 years ago. Through that first round of training and the community and affirmation that came from running a half marathon, I fell in love with it! I kept up running, pretty inconsistently, but I think this past school year is the hardest I’ve ever pushed myself to train for a race. I ran a 5k, 10k, 15k, and half marathon within 5 months, which was a lot…but it was pretty dang fun! As I’ve learned more about running, the similarity between running a legit race and running the Christian race has become so so clear to me.

As I think about the half marathon that my friend Haley and I did back in March, I don’t just think about the 2ish hours we spent running the race, I think about the whole process that went into running that race. Here’s a little break down of my favorite parts of the process and how, after some reflection, I’ve seen the Lord in them:

TRAINING

When I think about training, I think about the 8 mile runs on the weekends, The Chimes Fettuccini Alfredo the night before a long run, and the pain that came when I stood up a couple of hours after the run was finished. All of those things are memories before the “big moment” of actually running the race. Haley and I had an interesting running relationship. We both knew we weren’t going to run the whole race together or really even train together (because Haley is a superstar and a million times faster than me.) After we finished a run, we would send a sweaty selfie and our mileage (see an example below). When Haley would send me a sweaty selfie, I knew I needed to go run so that I could send one back. To me, that is a perfect example of what accountability and discipleship look like in our lives. Discipleship and accountability are NOT one sided, they’re not just someone asking you for a sweaty selfie every day but sending one as encouragement and example for your partner to replicate.

PACKET PICK-UP

I don’t know about y’all, but I LOVE packet pick-up the day before the race! Walking in there and seeing everyone else that is about to run with you in the morning is like the best thing ever to me. Sadly, Haley had to work, and we couldn’t go pick up our packets together, but when I went to get my packet, I was able to pick up Haley’s for her. I think this is also a parallel to what discipleship and accountability look like in our lives. A lot of us have “our people.” Shoutout to my girls Anna Claire, Haley, Maddy, Emily, LB, Gracen, Blair;) Whether you meet with them every week or you live miles away and never see each other, when one of your people is struggling, you’re there to help them pick it all back up. Don’t get me wrong, Haley didn’t ask me to pick up her packet and carry it with me for the entire 13.1 miles. In the same way, discipleship isn’t carrying their struggles FOR them, but it’s HELPING to start the process of picking it up in a way that will eventually get it back to her. I’ve heard before that sharing struggles is like dumping all of your struggles in a bucket that’s sitting on the ground. No one is in charge of carrying that bucket for everyone, but it is a place to relieve you of the struggles you’re carrying.

RACE DAY

Here it is!! The big moment!! We get to downtown Baton Rouge around 6:30am and see a ton of people stretching, eating granola bars, and running a warmup mile (not my thing but to each his own.) Haley was sucking on her jolly rancher and I take a gu—open to sponsorships just sayin—and we get all lined up. We wanted to start the race together, so we ran about half a mile together after the race started. This is important. We started something that we knew would be difficult alongside each other. It makes things in our Christian walk so much easier when someone is beside you to remind you why you want to start the hard things. When I hit my pace, Haley kept going faster and then it was just me and my music. My parents and a few of our friends were along the race route to support us, so throughout the race, I saw familiar faces cheering for me and taking pictures! At about mile 7, I knew I was about to hit the hard part. I took my second gu, passed Jessie and Peyton for the last time until the finish line, and got my mind ready for the daunting 6 miles left. In our lives, I believe the hardest parts are the things we have to do internally, between us and the Lord. Much like I knew these last 6 miles would be hard, I also knew this wasn’t a time that I could rely on anyone else. It was time to fight the internal battle of if this race is worth finishing or not. The cool part about this particular race route was that there were a few loops where you saw other participants running the opposite way. About Mile 10, Haley and I saw each other on opposite sides of the road. We gave a smile and a wave, but that’s about all we had left in us. At that point, Haley and I were not running together. We couldn’t really lean on each other, but we knew we were both there struggling right across the street. I knew that I had Haley a couple miles ahead of me, understanding exactly what I was going through, and that made a huge difference.

THE FINISH

We’ll fast forward through the last 3.1 miles because let me just say…that the last part of that race killed me. One of my goals for the race was to run the entire thing and I didn’t do it. I walked and was so disappointed in myself. I’m a huge goal person (enneagram 3s wassup) and it’s easy for me to get wrapped up in the goals that I don’t meet. So, you can imagine falling short of a goal that I trained for months to meet wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to swallow.

BUT, when I crossed that finish line, my parents and my friends didn’t care that I had walked. They cheered for me, gave me hugs, and took pictures with me. They loved me regardless.

That is a picture of the Gospel!!! We fall short countless times; we say we won’t and then we do. BUT the Lord still loves us. He forgives us and he loves us regardless of our failures.

I’m not a runner, but I like to run. And LOVE the way that things as simple as running can reveal so many things about the character of our savior.